Change of plans

Hey, it's been a while since my last post. And a lot has happened since then too. Namely school.
I am taking a short break from studying to write this post before I get back at it. I am currently sitting in my basement relaxing with a coffee and reflecting on what I started when I initiated the Tri2Conquer blog. My absence from blogging has been brought about by my school work demands and inability to dedicate the time to it.
Some of you may be able to relate to this post in some way. Perhaps the conditions are not exactly the same as yours, but maybe you can relate. There is also an important aspect of what I am going to share that I hope everyone can recognize in their own lives.
In November I posted a retrospective of my 2009 triathlon season, looking at what I did, how I did it, and what I could do to get better/stronger/healthier. I had some great insights and ideas for starting the new year and had a great list of races and events to focus on. I was ready to head into a new year full of promise and expectations for a brilliant training season that would culminate in an improved competition season. But, there has been a change of plans. A big change for me (and my family). I still have all those feelings and plans for improving my training and fitness, but for now, triathlon training has to take a back seat for a bit. And that has been hard on me. REALLY hard. And now I am trying to deal with that change.
For those who know me, I don't usually do things half baked. I'm all in or nothing at all. When I set out to do something, I set out to be the best I can be. Not because I am an ultra competitive person (at least not competitive with others), but because I just want to be the best "ME" I can be. I don't podium at races. I'm not at that level. But I try to move up the ranks all the time by challenging myself. I feed off of those athletes around me and take that inspiration to be a better athlete myself. I put a lot of pressure on myself to perform, no matter what I am doing (yes, I am a Virgo). So taking a break from my usual amount of training has been difficult because I love it so much.
Certainly, being a great husband and father is at the top of my list. Everything I do, and I mean everything, in some way reflects back to my devotion to my family. Even my training. I try to be the most fit and healthy I can be so that I am able to enjoy time (hopefully maximizing my lifespan) with my family. I also try to instill the discipline and willpower it takes to train and stay fit to my children (being a good role model and hopefully inspiring them to some degree). I hope my kids will want to live full active and healthy lives as well, and I also hope this leads them to make good decisions. Yes, being a family man is at the top, but my training is another large dimension of who I am. It has defined me for the last several years.
So when I wrote that blog post in November with all my ambition and excitement, I was just at the beginning of a new chapter in my life. I had yet to fully experience what going back to school was going to mean and what this college program had in store for me.

It's been one hell of a tough grind going through this Massage Therapy program. The courses are amazing and I've learned so much in such a relatively short period of time, but it is tough. I would recommend this to anyone who wished to become a health care professional, anyone who wishes to help others achieve optimum health and fitness. But I would also caution them on what to expect.
I knew it was going to be tough and that I would basically have "no life" for the two years of this program. And boy was I right.

I fully expected it to be difficult. I fully expected to be busy. And I fully expected to be stressed out for extended periods of time. And with all of those expectations I am still surprised just how demanding it has been. I am just over 7 months into a 2 year program. (and those 2 years are almost continuous). I got 1 week off at Christmas 2009, I'll get 2 weeks between years one and two in September, and I'll get another week off at Christmas this year. That's it. No other breaks. It is a condensed, accelerated program and that is adding another dimension to the experience. The amount of reading, review and studying for what seems to be a continuous stream of tests and exams has been tough.

I recently went through a period of apathy. It started just prior to the May holiday weekend. I had reached a saturation point in my ability to take in information. I had reached my threshold for my ability to study. When I started that long weekend in May I had great ambitions to use that time away from school to do lots of review and studying. But then I began to spend some much needed time with my family and also getting around to doing all that much needed outdoor yard work with my wife. It was just so nice to NOT be doing school work. I spent long days with my wife working on our gardens, landscaping, cleaning the house and garage. We had nice dinners and of course I sampled some really nice Malbec. I got in a good long ride on my bike. And when the weekend ended, I hadn't opened a book. It was fantastic. But while I felt refreshed and happy with the quality family time I had experienced, I felt like I lowered my guard a little. We have learned about the body's response to stress: the General Adaptation Syndrome. You find a way to fight the stress and cope under tough conditions. Then you continue to maintain that high level of attention and intensity even after the main stressor has subsided. Then, at some point you hit the Exhaustion Stage. You can no longer continue at the torrid pace you have set without experiencing some sort of negative and possibly lasting effects. Your body and mind just say "enough. I need to rest".
I think that May long weekend made my body realize that it needed some time away from being a top student (remember, I stated how I put so much into everything I do? School is no different). So for the next couple of weeks I was battling to stay on top of my work with poor results. I just could not bring myself to come home and open my books. To make things tougher, I have sporadically been on Twitter and seeing how all the amazing athletes I follow have been training and who are now racing. The weather has been amazing and I would normally be getting ready to compete in my first races very shortly myself. It was exciting to see them so happy about their training, but I was very envious that I was not putting in the same time and effort like I used to do. The demands of school and the seemingly relentless flow of tests mean I have not been training anywhere near where I would have been.
Perhaps these feelings of disappointment are justified. I have also thought that maybe I can ease off a little and still get good grades. Maybe it's due to an unjustified fear of not performing at my self-imposed high standards. Being a good student is important to me. Being the best Massage Therapist I can be is my goal. I am not interested in just getting by. I don't believe that is what my clients will be looking for in an RMT either. I am pretty certain they don't want to be treated by someone who put out only enough effort to just pass his program and Board registration exams. Not when they are coming to me for a part of their overall health care. For brief periods (usually just a couple of days or so at at time) we would have a lighter workload at school and so I would say "OK, now I am going to restart my training" and even Tweet about it and post it on Daily Mile. Then we'd get hit hard and have to prep for tests and I'd be glued to my books again. This is what I am now dealing with.


I guess what this all boils down to is: BALANCE. Before last November, I had everything pretty much in balance. Then, when I started school things went a little sideways. I realized I couldn't do it all, so some things had to be put on hold. I had to focus on being husband, father and now student. Time was at a premium and training just wasn't going to fit in the same way I had wanted it to. As well as a long list of other things like yard work, small chores around the house and the multitude of tasks of daily living . This is where my wife comes in. She has been the most amazing, caring, supportive wife and mother. She continually tells me not to worry about anything but my school work. She keeps our home running and I owe everything to her. She organizes the kids schedules, chauffers them around, walks the dog, cooks dinners just to name a few things. She is so supportive of me. All she wants is for me to be happy and do well. She has seen me suffer through the long hours of careers in the recent past, as well as the crazy shift work of many years ago. So by getting me through this next year and a half of school, I can soon enjoy a new career that will provide for our family and it will be something that I can enjoy more than previous careers. What an impact that will make on our family. That is the end goal.

She is the best thing to ever happened to me. And I do know it and appreciate her for that.

So, like my first post in October 2009 when I said "Life is Challenging", and I set out to use this blog to describe how I try to conquer things in my life: here is a glimpse of something I am trying to conquer.

I am currently in the midst of another series of tests and final exams for courses before I begin some new ones. I am also happy to report that I have regained some of that desire and passion to continue and do well with my studies. I guess I have recovered somewhat from my burnout. I think that I was able to do that in part by giving myself permission to take a break, but to also not dwell on how much training I am missing (the mental game). This is a long program I am in, but in relative terms it is not that bad. So I will aim to hit the training in my familiar fashion again when I am done. In the mean time, it will just have to suffice with working out here and there and staying fit and healthy. Family comes first, and since this school work leads to a career that impacts family, then school comes next. Triathlon will always be there, and I plan to enjoy it for many years to come.
But the single most important reason for me being able to do this is the love, understanding and support of my wife and kids. It is so clear to me that you cannot do it all yourself. Being able to be open and honest with each other while keeping the 'big picture' in view is paramount. I am trying very hard to maintain balance when it is so easy to get caught up in the complexities of life and school. This is the real lesson for me. The key learning from all of this: Working TOGETHER for the common goal.

Life is full of ups and downs, ebbs and flows, give and take, plan and adjust. I'm making adjustments, and I will tri2conquer this new challenge before moving on to the next. I am going to end here. I will post this, then go and make a snack for my daughter and I (my wife is out doing the shopping and my youngest is at a birthday party). After my daughter and I eat, I will study some more before I get ready for dinner with my family and a nice glass of wine (Alegoria Malbec recommended by @runnrgrl - mmmm mmmm good). Then I will sit with my wife and we'll chat a bit. Perhaps watch a movie or just do nothing at all.

I hope you can tri2conquer something today, but don't try to do it all yourself. Think of what the big picture looks like and make a plan to get yourself into that picture. You may need to change your route along the way, but keep things in balance, in perspective. Lean on each other a little bit.

There is someone on Twitter who has this nifty little quote on their bio: "It's only a hill, get over it!"

I love that. With a little push from a friend/partner, we can all get over that next hill.

Until next time. Be healthy, Be safe.